


burning the wick at both ends

by knightspur



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Drinking, Friendship, Getting Back Together, M/M, Meddling Kids, Post-Break Up, Self-Esteem Issues, Sharing a Bed, Some implied gyuhao, Team Dynamics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-03 04:42:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10959882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knightspur/pseuds/knightspur
Summary: More than anything, Jeonghan is good at making bad choices.Seungcheol has always been too much of a good thing.--Or, Jeonghan and Seungcheol break up, and their friends try too hard to fix it for them.





	1. Chapter 1

_I’m running from the very person I’m chasing, and this is how I know I’m in love._  
— Jarod Kintz

Despite the fact that Joshua hasn't really asked him anything yet, Jeonghan finds himself frowning down at his coffee, resisting the urge to poke at the whipped cream on the top with his tongue. “It's not that big a deal, is it? People break up.”

The slight lift of Joshua's eyebrow means that it's not likely that Jeonghan is being very convincing. He supposes that's part of the price of a best friend; out of everyone that Jeonghan knows, Joshua is by far the hardest to fool.

At the moment though, Jeonghan finds that he doesn't really want Joshua to fall for his bright smile and easy shrugging off of the whole matter. He pushes his coffee to the center of the table, crossing his arms on it instead and burying his face in the safety of his sweater.

“I hate waking up alone.”

The entire cafe is probably staring at him, though the words come out in a mumble thanks to his sleeves. He peeks his eyes out of the dark fabric, almost sighing at the look Joshua is giving him.

“Are you going to lecture me?” He asks, pushing one sullen finger back and forth over the laminate table top.

Joshua, for a moment, seems to think this over very hard.

“You still haven't told me what happened.” He points out, though that hardly answers the question that Jeonghan asked.

“Y’know, Jihoon won't even speak to me,” he continues to pout, refusing to lift his head from his arms. At the very least, Joshua could offer him some sympathy. “We're in the same lecture and he acts like I don't even exist.”

“Was it about him meeting your parents?” Joshua's prodding is still on this side of kind, but it only makes Jeonghan clip his mouth shut. Instead of answering, he pulls his ponytail over his shoulder and examines the ends of his hair closely.

Joshua's sweet voice flattens. “You're not going to tell me.”

“I don't wanna talk about why,” Jeonghan finally answers. He gathers his strength and sits up, taking a long sip of his still too hot coffee, the whipped cream soothing some of the burn against his cheeks.

Joshua sighs, looking over his shoulder at the counter. It's afternoon, and Jeonghan arrived right at the lull in business, but as students start to arrive before or after their classes, Joshua will have to go back to working, rather than listening to him complain.

“Did you get all your stuff moved in?” He asks, deciding to drop the why for now. Jeonghan can't help but be grateful for it.

He's grateful for the place to stay too. He nods his head, giving up his faked fascination with his hair.

“Yeah. Wonwoo helped me out with the big stuff.”

Jeonghan counts himself lucky that he still has friends left at all.

“Alright. Good.” Joshua stands, grabbing the apron draped over the back of his chair and tying it neatly around his waist once more. “I'll see you after my shift then. Try not to pick a fight with Jihoon.”

“I can’t promise that,” Jeonghan responds, making his voice bright and clear once more. Joshua, to his credit, doesn’t even roll his eyes. He just smiles and leaves Jeonghan to his coffee and his barely contained misery.

*** * ***

More than anything, Jeonghan is good at making bad choices.

This is the only explanation for most of the things going on around him. This is the single guiding principle by which he lives.

Choi Seungcheol was a good choice, no matter what angle Jeonghan tries to look at things from. He was well over a year of good choices. Jeonghan even agreed to move in with him, like somehow it wouldn’t catch up with him.

He’s not at home with choosing the right thing, and at some point, it was going to happen that Jeonghan was going to fuck up.

This is also how he ended up partying in spite of the fact that he very certainly has classes tomorrow, including a three-hour music theory lab that will involve noise being played at him for extended periods.

The hangover that he’s rapidly pushing himself toward won’t serve him well tomorrow, but the shots being passed into his hands are doing the job that he needs right now.

It’s easier, so much easier, to lose himself in the energy and sway of a party. And right now, all Jeonghan wants is for things to be easy. He’s sure, at least mostly sure, that he’s in one of the sports team houses, though he hasn’t quite made it all the way to figuring out which team.

Basketball seems a fair guess because Hansol is hovering maybe ten feet away, giving Jeonghan a series of nervous glances like he’s not sure if they're allowed to talk.

Jeonghan isn’t sure if he’s supposed to or not either, but he still gives Hansol a loose-limbed wave. His whole body feels too light, too fluid like all his bones have gone too soft to properly support him.

Hansol’s face brightens, at least a little, and Jeonghan gives his carefully styled hair a ruffle when Hansol makes his way over, leaning on the same stretch of counter. He seems, for a moment, unsure of what to say.

Even with his brain mostly steeped in alcohol, Jeonghan gets it. The entire team would likely throw themselves off of a cliff for Seungcheol. He’s more beloved than any team captain has a right to be. Social as he is, Jeonghan doesn’t know a single person that doesn’t like Seungcheol.

“Is there a price on my head here yet?” Jeonghan asks, running the tip of his finger around and around the rim of the plastic shot glass in front of him. It’s not exactly the question he wants to ask, but he supposes that it gets somewhere close.

“I don’t think so.” Hansol’s smile is easier, though Jeonghan knows his words are stumbling slightly. “Seungcheol-hyung said none of us needed to get involved in his love life.”

Jeonghan hums at that, though it’s hard to keep himself from frowning. It sounds exactly like what he’d say. Maybe he’s too noble to burden others with his problems.

Maybe he just doesn’t care.

There’s a sour feeling in Jeonghan’s stomach, and with a wrinkle in his nose he flicks the little pink shot glass over, letting it clatter as it rolls across the surface of the counter. It doesn’t seem as fun being here, anymore, though he certainly doesn’t want to go home to Joshua and his worried little frowns either.

He’s playing with fire by being here, anyway. So far, and mostly by virtue of a strenuous effort to avoid his normal routine, Jeonghan has avoided seeing Seungcheol.

He’d like to continue that, if possible.

“Probably for the best,” Jeonghan says, trying his best to seem reasonable here. When he nods his head, it bobs a little too hard, like it’s not quite attached properly to his neck. “Hunting me down might cause trouble for the team.”

He doesn’t mean for his voice to come out so sharp, but it does. Hansol’s smile falters for a second like he realizes trying to extend an olive branch to Jeonghan was a mistake.

It probably was. Jeonghan tries to bite down on the bitterness rising in the back of his throat, urging him towards doing something else terrible and stupid. He wants to find Junhui and berate him for selecting _this party_ out of every possible one. He wants to call Joshua and beg to be taken home, even though he could walk back perfectly fine on his own.

Jeonghan does not want to look up and find Seungcheol walking into the kitchen, though that’s exactly what happens.

Hansol sees him first and he leaps practically out of his skin in surprise like he’s been caught doing something terribly wrong. Seungcheol must notice that first, because he gives Hansol a confused look, his head tilting slightly to the side.

Then he looks over and notices Jeonghan. He freezes in the doorway, and the way his eyes expand three times their usual size would be comical if it didn’t hurt so much. There’s sadness written into his face, Jeonghan can see it, tangled up with his surprise.

Seungcheol swallows whatever it is he’s feeling and smiles, and that hurts worse to see. “Hey.”

It’s a general greeting, he’s not even speaking to Jeonghan specifically. Hansol stops his tactless slinking to wave, one hand resting nervously on the back of his neck.

Jeonghan spends a moment debating with himself what to do. It would probably be easy enough to slip his way out of the kitchen without saying anything at all. Seungcheol would let him go, rather than chasing him down and insisting they be friends.

But, more than anything, Jeonghan is good at making bad choices.

“Hey,” he says it lightly, putting an airy indifference in his voice. Seungcheol dares to make actual eye contact for the first time, and Jeonghan gives his brightest smile.

“Good game earlier.” It's a neutral way to follow up, and Seungcheol nods his head and mumbles a quiet thanks without seeming to think much of it. Hansol looks positively shell-shocked.

Jeonghan doesn't know how to have this conversation. He doesn't know why he's even trying, really, other than the fact he wants… something from it.

Hansol eases his way back from the counter, acting like he's spotted someone looking for him and beating a hasty trail out of the room. Jeonghan would laugh if that didn't mean he and Seungcheol were standing there alone together.

The air around him feels thick and hard to breathe. Seungcheol takes half a step closer then stops, his hands resting on the counter.

“I came with Junhui,” Jeonghan says, watching Seungcheol’s fingers drumming a nervous rhythm on the counter. “I didn't realize this was the team house.”

“You don't have to apologize.” Usually, Jeonghan would take this as a joke, but Seungcheol doesn't smile when he says it.

“I wasn't.” Jeonghan’s answer comes out too fast. “We promised, right? That we would be normal.”

“Right,” Seungcheol responds, neutral. Like Jeonghan being drunk on a weeknight is normal. Like they always tread this strangely around one another.

“I should find him.” Jeonghan finds that he wants out of this conversation badly. He pushes himself off the counter, then catches himself again when he wobbles.

He's definitely had more than he should have. “Joshua is going to kill me.”

Really, it's supposed to be a joke. He expects Seungcheol to laugh and assure him that Joshua will probably leave him alive to face his hangover instead.

“You can sleep it off on my couch.” Seungcheol shrugs as he speaks. He's serious, of course, leave it to Seungcheol to feel like he has to take care of even his ex. “My place is closer, anyway.”

This isn't a good idea for either of them. Jeonghan should wave him off, say he's fine. He should go rip Junhui’s still beating heart out of his chest, or at least insist that he be walked home as penance. Joshua is less likely to kill him in front of an inebriated junior.

But there's still something that he wants. Something he can't understand lurking in Seungcheol’s face, and for some reason, he can't give up the chance to chase after it.

“Just the couch?” He asks, standing more carefully this time. Seungcheol cracks a hint of a smile, nodding.

“Yeah. Just the couch.” His smile grows, making his eyes curve upward. “You can make eggs in the morning since I'm saving you from Joshua.”

One of his hands comes to support Jeonghan’s elbow, and for a moment it's like everything really is normal with them. Jeonghan laughs, stumbling into Seungcheol’s hold with more force than he really needs to, letting himself be led out.

*** * ***

Seungcheol isn’t sure what time it is when he opens his eyes, only that the room around him is fuzzy with darkness. For a moment, he starts to drift back to sleep, until his ears pick up the sound of low, quiet breathing behind him.

Strange, because he certainly went to bed alone.

He turns over halfway, laying on his back and finds himself looking at Jeonghan’s face, his eyes closed lightly, face relaxed. Seungcheol groans, muffling it into the palms of his hands. He can feel Jeonghan’s arm on his waist now, fingers curling into the thin fabric of his nightshirt.

For a moment, having Jeonghan’s arms wrapped around him in his sleep feels so perfectly normal that Seungcheol can almost ignore the crushing feeling in his chest. It’s too familiar, too comfortable. He wants to roll over again and go to sleep just like this; to wake up with Jeonghan’s forehead against the back of his neck, the two of them tucked together in a bed with just enough room for them to fit.

Closing his eyes for a second, Seungcheol reaches over and shakes Jeonghan’s shoulder hard enough to rouse him. It takes a moment, and Jeonghan blinks back at him, a slow smile creeping over his face. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Seungcheol repeats, trying to ignore how strained his voice sounds. This isn’t real, he has to remind himself. Jeonghan was drunk when he fell asleep and probably wandered into bed without thinking. Jeonghan broke up with him. Jeonghan certainly doesn’t want to be in bed with him anymore.

His train of thought screeches to a halt when Jeonghan leans in, stealing a kiss without a second thought. Jeonghan’s lips are soft and parted slightly, and there’s still a trace of something fruity in his mouth. 

As quickly as he realizes what’s going on, Seungcheol leans back to break the kiss, his eyes wide in the darkness of the room. Jeonghan hums to himself, closing his eyes once again, long strands of his hair fluttering over his forehead. “Night.”

Seungcheol bites down on his lip, resisting the building urge to scream. He waits a moment, his breathing an uneven counterpart to the sound of Jeonghan drifting off to sleep once more. He pries Jeonghan’s fingers from his shirt gently, laying them on the blanket and sliding his way out of the bed.

With a sigh, Seungcheol walks out to the couch himself, rubbing the back of his neck. He flops himself over on the couch, pulling the pillow he left for Jeonghan under his head and shutting his eyes tightly. He groans once more, loud in the oppressive silence of the empty room.

So much for just helping out a friend. It takes Seungcheol a long time to find sleep again, his stomach tangled up in knots.

*** * ***

Predictably, Jeonghan does not wake up on the couch.

He doesn't realize it at first when he rolls over to hide his face from the sunlight stretching through the window. His head is pounding and it feels like something small and furry is curled up in his mouth and decided to stay there.

But the pillow is soft, and there's a warm, woodsy smell to it. lt takes too long for Jeonghan to realize where he is--waking up in Seungcheol’s bed, hungover and without his pants. He's alone though, and when summons the energy to sit up he notices he's wearing the same shirt as the night before, and his phone is plugged in and laying on Seungcheol's desk.

The scene around him doesn't exactly scream “drunken hookup”. That in itself is a cold sort of comfort, though there's a sizable chunk missing from his memories from the night before that continues to worry him.

Of all places, this is not the one Jeonghan expected to find himself in the morning. He went out with Junhui and if anything he expected to spend the night on the floor of his dorm.

But this is definitely Seungcheol's apartment, the one the two of them were supposed to share. From the bed he can see the blinking light on his phone, notifying him of all his messages and with a groan Jeonghan flops to the bed, squeezing his eyes shut.

It's only been a few weeks since the split. When Jeonghan packed his things with a reason that only made sense to him. Really, he didn't think he would be back here so soon.

He didn't think he would be back here at all.

With a sigh, he pulls himself out of the bed. There's a list of things he needs to attend to, arranged into a loose order in his pounding head. First, he retrieves his phone from the desk and sighs at the ten increasingly worried messages he has from Joshua. It seems he won't be spared from his best friend's wrath after all.

There are two from Junhui, which Jeonghan responds to only by calling him a little traitor and promising to punish him properly after he's had coffee and brushed his teeth.

And found his pants.

That's the next item on his list since he doesn't have anything to say to Joshua other than “Not dead, stayed with a friend.”

It takes a little searching to find his jeans, balled up and kicked halfway under the bed. He probably fell asleep with them on and then woke up later to kick them off. There's a little wiggling involved with getting the too tight pants back in place and absorbed in his own struggle he doesn't notice the bedroom door swing open halfway.

Seungcheol slams it immediately shut, like he hasn't seen Jeonghan in every possible state of undress. Jeonghan pauses in buttoning his pants, looking over his shoulder with a sigh.

He was hoping to slip out unnoticed, that this would be another one of those things trapped in the growing space between them that they simply didn't talk about. Now it's going to be awkward, and Jeonghan is going to have to face Seungcheol in the light of day and thank him for the use of his bed without meaning anything by it.

“Sorry!” Seungcheol calls from the other side of the tightly shut door. “I didn't think you would be up.”

Well, Jeonghan can't exactly blame him for that one.

“I'm decent,” Jeonghan says, only shaking his head a little. He tucks his phone into his pocket, smiling when Seungcheol timidly opens the door.

At least he doesn't literally sigh in relief. There's an easy smile on his face, which Jeonghan chalks up to the fact that Seungcheol is just too nice for his own good. He's the only person Jeonghan knows who likes to be up this early even when dealing with his ex.

"How are you feeling this morning?” His eyes twinkle when Jeonghan groans in response.

"Shua probably filed a missing person report for me already,” he says, doing his best to smile back just as easily. He probably falls well short of the goal, but Seungcheol at least acts like he doesn't notice. "Thanks for the save.”

"Sure,” he says with a quick nod. "Anytime.”

Jeonghan knows that doesn't mean anything. It's not supposed to. Seungcheol is the type to go out of his way for any of his friends. Somehow that fact makes him feel worse about the whole thing. Like he's taken advantage of Seungcheol's natural kindness. It only heightens Jeonghan’s desire to flee the entire situation.

He's saved by the merciful vibration of his phone. He looks quickly away, pulling his phone out to read the still frustrated message from Joshua. He tucks his hair behind his hair, clearing his throat. It's no one's fault his own that things feel so awkward with Seungcheol now, and he isn't sure he deserves the chance to make things right like Seungcheol is offering him.

Careful of the space between them, Jeonghan ducks through the doorway. “I should get home.”

Jeonghan half expects Seungcheol to say something, to try and stop him from going so quickly. The desire is there on his face, and for a moment his hand lifts like he's planning on catching hold of Jeonghan. But, before he has a chance to, he curls his hand back into a fist and drops it back to his side.

It almost makes Jeonghan angry, though he isn't sure why. It's not as if this is the first time that Seungcheol has just watched him go.

*** * ***

Usually, Seungcheol isn't so distracted during lunch, especially with Soonyoung and Jihoon with him.

But it's been two days and he can't stop himself from turning things with Jeonghan over and over in the back of his mind, and it's making it impossible to focus on the conversation that Soonyoung is mostly carrying on with himself. Jihoon is more focused on the notebook in front of him than his food, and his input is mostly occasional hums and nods at Soonyoung's words, and Seungcheol himself isn't doing much better.

It takes Soonyoung grabbing his arm for Seungcheol to realize he's being asked a question. Soonyoung raises an eyebrow, his smile as bright as ever. "Hyung? How did things go last night?”

"Fine,” Seungcheol answers, not wanting to seem like he wasn't paying attention. He wasn't, but that's beside the point. "We won.”

“Huh? I meant with Jeonghan-hyung. He went home with you, didn't he?”

Seungcheol cringes because the last person he wants to talk about his little sleepover with is Jihoon.

"Why would he go home with you?” Jihoon says, narrowing his eyes. Soonyoung pauses like he's only just realized Jihoon was actually listening to him. Jihoon's pointed gaze travels between the two of them, measuring their shared guilty looks.

“Nothing happened,” Seungcheol says, hardly getting the words out. He isn't lying, or at least nothing of the sort Jihoon is thinking happened.

Seungcheol had left Jeonghan to sleep it off on his couch, as promised, only to wake up in the kind of embrace he's still all too used to. But Jeonghan hadn't meant anything by it, and Seungcheol isn't the type to take advantage of a friend, even for some very welcome cuddling.

Jeonghan was so warm, wrapped in the blankets with Seungcheol, and the two of them have always fit together just right.

"He was drunk. I let him sleep it off.” Again, Seungcheol tries to make the whole thing sound like even less than it was, to begin with. "He stayed on the couch.”

"Why let him stay at all?” Jihoon's scowl only gets deeper as he speaks, and he must know that he's caught Seungcheol without an answer.

Soonyoung seems to realize it as well, but rather than jumping to Jihoon's side, he leans further into Seungcheol, nearly spilling the open coke in his hand. "It's not like he could just leave Jeonghan-hyung.”

"Why not?” Jihoon asks, his eyebrows lifting. Seungcheol resists the urge to sigh at Jihoon's attitude. He means well, of course, no matter how hard Seungcheol wishes he wouldn't blame Jeonghan. Trying to convince him to do anything else so far hasn't gotten Seungcheol anywhere.

On the other hand, Soonyoung bringing the topic up at all is a surprise. He doesn't have much taste for conflict.

Jihoon sighs himself. "You couldn't have just sent him home?”

He turns to glare at Seungcheol, who shrugs in return. "He didn't want to get in trouble with Shua.”

“I think you did the right thing,” Soonyoung says, patting Seungcheol on the shoulder.

"You do?” Jihoon asks, his voice low and dangerous. Soonyoung nods, refusing to back down.

“It's better if they stay close.”

“Better for who?" Jihoon scoffs, looking at Soonyoung more than at Seungcheol. Before the two of them can launch into more of a fight, Seungcheol shakes his head and waves a hand between them, breaking the stare down.

"You know you're not my parents," he says, rolling his eyes as Jihoon sinks into a sulk. "You don't get to argue about me dating like I'm not even here."

"I wouldn't want an ugly kid like you anyway," Jihoon grumbles, but the corner of his mouth is lifted in a little smirk and Seungcheol laughs. He shoves his shoulder against Jihoon's, but turns back to Soonyoung, expecting an agreement from him not to argue anymore either. Making peace between people is something Seungcheol is good at, he always has been. He's proud of it, even though it's a skill he has to use more than he'd like.

Strangely, though, Soonyoung is smiling back at him, and Seungcheol can't for the life of him imagine what part of this would have made him so happy. He almost asks, but Soonyoung looks away before he gets a chance, grabbing his soda and nearly leaping out of his seat. 

"I have to go rescue Chan!" He blurts the excuse out and flees before Seungcheol even gets a chance to ask what in the world Chan might need rescue from. He doesn't even remember Soonyoung looking at his phone, and he's left staring in utter confusion even after Soonyoung has left his line of sight.

Exasperated, he turns back to Jihoon and shakes his head. "Any idea what that was about?"

"I'd rather not know what goes on in his head," Jihoon mumbles, looking down at his food. He's mostly finished, so he barely has anything but a few grains of rice to push around with his chopsticks while he chews on his words. Seungcheol waits for him to decide what to say on his own. He knows Jihoon well enough to know that pushing him is more likely to get the door slammed in his face. After a moment, Jihoon drops his chopsticks and sighs. "Why are you still spending time with Jeonghan?"

"I'm not," Seungcheol says, and before last night that wasn't a lie. He's sure that Jeonghan has been avoiding him, but he hasn't really gone out of his way to do anything about it, either. "That was the first time I've seen him at all in awhile."

"And he was so drunk that you had no option but to take him home and let him sleep on your couch?" Jihoon asks, then pauses, like he's just realizing that all of that is entirely plausible. He scowls anyway. "You're too nice."

Seungcheol shrugs at that. By Jihoon's standards, that's true. He doesn't mention that he probably could have found Junhui and had him take care of Jeonghan for the evening. The truth of it is he felt like he had to be there, to help Jeonghan. Sending him home with Junhui wouldn't have made Seungcheol any less worried about him, and while waking up with Jeonghan's arms wrapped around his waist might not have done him any good, it was better than lying awake and wondering if he'd made it to bed at all.

"He said he still wanted to be friends," Seungcheol says. It's easier to leave his own feelings out of the situation entirely. He's not even sure how he feels about all of it. It seems unreal, like any day now Jeonghan will just change his mind and things will go back to normal, the way they're supposed to be. The rest of the time it seems all too real, and Seungcheol is painfully aware that he still doesn't understand what's going on in Jeonghan's head. 

He spends a lot of time trying to figure it out; whatever he did that was bad enough that Jeonghan left.

"Everyone says that." Jihoon gathers his things into a small pile, shaking his head. "Doesn't mean you're supposed to go with it."

"Maybe I still wanna be friends," Seungcheol says, doing the same. He stands, looking down at Jihoon with one eyebrow raised. "Just, don't cause any trouble, alright?"

Jihoon doesn't smile at the reminder. Seungcheol knows he'll spend the rest of his life appreciating Jihoon and his loyal to the death personality, but he doesn't always find the best way to express it. The last thing Seungcheol wants is more fires to put out with Jeonghan.

“I haven't picked a fight yet, have I?” Jihoon manages to sound both annoyed and pleased with himself at the same time, and Seungcheol nods. Ideally, Jihoon would leave the matter alone entirely. He takes too much on himself already, and he's got plenty of stress without worrying about Seungcheol and Jeonghan.

He knows better than to bark up that tree. For as different as he and Jihoon are, that's one way in which they're too much the same. 

“Yeah,” Seungcheol says, tossing his arm over Jihoon’s shoulders and pulling him into half a hug. Jihoon groans, trying to shove his way free. “I appreciate you not giving in to your murderous impulses.”

Jihoon rolls his eyes, and deciding that his efforts to escape from Seungcheol are mostly in vain, he lets the arm stay draped over his shoulders. Seungcheol basks in the small victory. Jihoon can be prickly about physical contact, at least on the surface.

Frowning, Seungcheol asks the question lingering on his mind. “You don't think Chan is really in trouble, do you?”

Jihoon rolls his eyes, finally shoving Seungcheol off of him. “You're the captain of the basketball team, not the kid’s dad.”

Seungcheol takes that as a sign that he should still text Chan. Just to be sure.

*** * ***

It usually isn’t the case that Seungcheol has to bully the rest of his team into focusing during practice. They’re fairly good at keeping on task on their own, and when they can’t seem to manage, Seungcheol can usually get their attention with a few well-placed glares and maybe a grumble or two.

Which is why Seokmin and Soonyoung sitting on the sidelines, clearly too wrapped up in their own conversation to pay attention is grating on him so much. It’s possible that Seungcheol has been slightly on edge lately, and leading them all with a stricter hand because of it, but it doesn’t seem to have affected the two of them in the least.

Seokmin laughs at something that Soonyoung says, as loudly as ever, grinning while he nods his head. Seungcheol is tempted to throw a ball at the two of them. 

Instead, he drifts closer, intending on standing behind the two of them until they notice he’s there and get back to the drill they’re supposed to be doing. The two of them don’t pay him any mind right away, Seokmin leaning over to look at something on the screen of Soonyoung’s phone, their knees bumping together.

“You’d think it’d be easier for them to work it out,” he says, though his smile doesn’t falter. Soonyoung shrugs in response, flicking his thumb across the screen. It takes Seungcheol a moment of looking over Soonyoung’s shoulder to realize they’re looking through Jeonghan’s instagram feed, more specifically at an old picture of the two of them.

He can remember the specific date when Jeonghan dragged him away from classes and forced him to get ice cream. In the picture, they’re standing next to the stand Jeonghan picked up, cones in hand, with Jeonghan planting a sticky, chocolate kiss to his cheek, taking the picture with his free hand.

In another circumstance, Seungcheol might still find the picture cute.

“They’re both too stubborn,” Soonyoung responds, scrolling down to find the next photo. “Neither of them even wants to deal with what’s going on, let alone try and fix it.”

Seungcheol clears his throat, rolling his eyes as the two of them leap like startled cats before turning to look up at him with matching guilty eyes. Soonyoung locks the screen of his phone as if that will somehow erase the evidence. Seungcheol sighs at them both.

“I thought I said to leave my love life alone.”

“Did you?” Seokmin asks, blinking his eyes innocently, though he’s barely keeping the smile off of his face. “I must not have been here! I didn’t hear that.”

“I didn’t either,” Soonyoung adds, leaning his cheek on Seokmin’s shoulder, giving a look that he probably thinks makes him look innocent. “We wouldn’t get involved with anything you don’t want us to.”

“Nice try,” Seungcheol says, rolling his eyes. They’re hardly convincing, but they are difficult for him to stay mad at. It doesn’t help that Seungcheol has to admit their hearts are in the right place, and it’s nice to know that his friends care, at least.

He just wishes they’d care more quietly, and from the sidelines. “Also, I’m not being stubborn.”

Soonyoung scowls slightly like he’d like to argue that point. Seungcheol doesn’t give him the chance. “Jeonghan made a choice, and I’m respecting what he wants.”

“Yeah but Hyung,” Soonyoung starts, leaning back on his hands and shaking his head. “It’s not really what either of you want, is it?”

Seokmin nods in agreement, his head bobbing up and down so quickly that Seungcheol wonders if he’s turned into one of those big-headed toys.

“Leave it alone,” he says, a little more snap in his voice than intended. Good intentions aside, Seungcheol is tired of having these same conversations about him and Jeonghan. It’s somehow worse, that they’ve all latched onto this thought that the two of them won’t patch things up because they’re too stubborn to admit they want to.

To the right person, Seungcheol might admit that he does want to fix things with Jeonghan if he weren’t so sure that he was the only one who wanted to. It hurts more, at this point, to keep hoping that something is going to make Jeonghan change his mind. For the first time, Seokmin looks like he’s not seconds from bursting into laughter, and Soonyoung sighs like Seungcheol is being difficult for no reason.

“Get back to drills,” Seungcheol says, kicking at Soonyoung’s hip to encourage him to his feet. “And no more staring at my date pictures. It’s weird.”

“Like you aren’t doing it too,” Soonyoung grumbles, tucking his phone back into the pocket of his shorts. He pulls up Seokmin, and Seungcheol pretends for both of their sakes that he doesn’t see Seokmin muffling a laugh.

*** * ***

Even though he probably doesn’t need tutoring in literature nearly as much as he thinks, Jeonghan has always enjoyed the time he spends helping Chan. He’s clever, and he figures out things on his own just as often as Jeonghan leads him to the answer. But, more than being a good pupil, Chan is simply someone that Jeonghan enjoys spending his time with, even if he tends to show it by pinching his cheeks and asking Chan whose baby he is (Jeonghan’s, of course).

But it’s easy for him to forget that while Chan is young, he’s also perceptive, and so Jeonghan should be more prepared than he is when Chan starts asking him questions as well. “You’re not happy that you aren’t with Seungcheol-hyung.”

“Am I supposed to be?” Jeonghan asks in return, mostly because he’s not sure himself how he’s supposed to feel about it. He’s the one who did the breaking up, sure, but he never really expected to be _happier_ because of it.

“That’s usually why people break up,” Chan says, leaning his cheek on the heel of his hand. “What’s the point if you aren’t happier?”

“Sometimes it’s the right thing to do anyway,” Jeonghan says, trying to flip the next page in Chan’s overly thick textbook sharply enough to make a point. He barely avoids tearing it out or slicing his finger open, and rather than putting the subject to rest, Chan gives him a curious gaze.

Jeonghan has found himself wishing a lot lately that his friends didn’t care so much about him, if only because it would reduce how often he has to deal with these kinds of questions. Still trying to distract Chan from the subject he clears his throat, tapping his finger against the page. “What does this passage mean?”

Chan scowls at him, the sulk clear on his face. “That’s not even part of my homework.”

Knowing he’s caught there, Jeonghan leans back in his seat and sighs, looking directly back at Chan now. “Do you want me to say that I’m happier not dating him?”

“Not if you’re lying,” Chan says, though there’s a hint of a smile on his face. Despite the fact that Jeonghan wishes his love life was left entirely up to him, it seems like he and Seungcheol have entwined their lives too tightly for that to be true. There’s hardly any separation anymore, and Jeonghan feels half guilty already for talking about all this with Chan. He’s on the basketball team as well, which is what led to Jeonghan meeting him in the first place.

Jeonghan bites back another pointed response to that since it probably won’t do him any good. As inconvenient as his concern is, Chan’s heart is in the right place and Jeonghan can hardly fault him for it. Still, it makes him no happier when Chan looks back down at his notes and ventures another question in a small voice. “If you’re not happy about it why don’t you make up?”

“It’s not that simple,” Jeonghan says, hoping that will be the end of it. Chan purses his lips like he’s not sure of the answer, but at least he decides to leave the subject be for the moment, deciding instead to actually consult his notes for some piece of information or another.

The peace is short lived. “Hyung isn’t happier either.”

This isn’t the relaxing tutoring session that Jeonghan was hoping for. He gives Chan a slight glare for that one, trying to keep the smile on his face as best he can. “You should let the two of us handle it, Channie.”

His message seems to actually get across this time, with Chan rubbing the back of his neck and looking every bit like a freshly kicked puppy. Jeonghan will likely take pity on him in less than ten minutes and call off studying in favor of treating Chan to coffee, but for the moment he flips to the next assigned passage and taps at it impatiently, taking advantage of the moment to get Chan to focus on just a little more on his homework. “Have you read through this one yet?”


	2. Chapter 2

_Please don’t, above all, plant me in your heart. I grow too quick._  
— Rainer Maria Rilke

If you had asked Seungcheol six months ago what he thought he'd be doing on any given Friday night, usually he would answer practice, or a game, or spending time with Jeonghan and their friends.

Very low on that list is ‘letting Soonyoung and Minghao take him clubbing’, but that's still where Seungcheol finds himself. Mingyu is with them as well, though, given his history with clubs and dancing, he's likely been swindled by Minghao.

Seungcheol has never been a big fan of partying in general. He isn't a big drinker, and he's more likely to outright embarrass himself dancing than woo anyone with it. He gives Soonyoung a look, the kind that begs the question of what they're doing here. It's the tenth such look in the last hour, and it just makes Soonyoung beam at him.

“Don't look so glum, hyung! We're here to have fun,” he says, grabbing Seungcheol's shoulders and shaking them. “You need a rebound!”

Mingyu has a look on his face like he's just bitten a lemon, or like he's about to sneeze. To be safe, Seungcheol leans slightly away from him.

Soonyoung seems to have decided all at once that Seungcheol has spent too much of his time being sad about Jeonghan. It's a large difference from before when he was willing to get into a fight with Jihoon about the two of them staying friends.

There's a little sympathy on Minghao’s face, at least, though it certainly didn't stop him from being part of this little plan. Seungcheol gives him half a smile and a shrug, trying to assure him that there are no hard feelings over it.

And that he won't run, either. It makes Minghao smile, returning to draping himself on Mingyu. “You're going to dance with me, right?”

Mingyu flinches, and Seungcheol has to bite his lip to keep from laughing. Mingyu hates dancing in public, probably more than anything. But he loves making Minghao happy, and that usually wins out. Minghao is stubborn, anyway, he’s more than capable of wearing Mingyu down.

Seungcheol can't help but hope Soonyoung will forget about his mission to find a rebound for Seungcheol. He's more than happy to spend the evening babysitting them. It's certainly better than struggling with whatever strangers Soonyoung throws at him.

It's pathetic, and stupid probably, but Seungcheol isn't at the point where he wants anyone but Jeonghan. He'll have to get there at some point, and with friends like Soonyoung and Jihoon, it'll likely have to be sooner rather than later.

For tonight, he just hopes that Soonyoung can't find anyone worth trying with.

The four of them settle at one of the small tables adjacent to the bar, Minghao finally having decided to detach himself from Mingyu’s back. It makes Seungcheol grin to himself for a moment, and he thinks about the bet he made with Jeonghan two months ago about which of their juniors would make the first move.

Betting against Mingyu has served Seungcheol well enough in the past that he bet whatever dinner Jeonghan wanted on Minghao taking the leap. Neither of them have won so far, but the slight linger of Minghao’s hand on Mingyu's lower back makes Seungcheol think about texting Jeonghan this development.

After all, they're still supposed to be friends. Still, he doesn't quite have the courage, so instead, he resolves to send pictures when Minghao finally drags Mingyu off to dance.

He's noticed the slightly concerned glances that Mingyu is passing to Soonyoung, but he decides not to ask for now. Lots of things make Mingyu a little nervous, and clubs are high up on that list.

But, before Soonyoung can flit off to find drinks and strangers to charm into making friends with Seungcheol, Mingyu reaches out and grabs his arm lightly. “Can we talk?”

Soonyoung looks oddly exasperated by the request, but he nods anyway. Mingyu has his mouth set into a line as the two of them walk away, and Seungcheol looks to Minghao, hoping for an answer.

“I don't think Mingyu likes Soonyoung-hyung’s plan,” Minghao says, then pauses like he's wondering if he's said the right thing. “I mean, the whole rebound thing.”

“Right,” Seungcheol agrees, though he can't help but frown. All of his friends seem to be having a much harder time with the end of his relationship than Seungcheol himself is.

Not that he isn't still struggling, but he's certainly much better at keeping it to himself. Minghao leans his elbows on the table, cradling his chin in his hands. He has his hair bleached silver once more, and the multi-colored lights of the club turn splash extra color into it.

“Are you doing okay?” Minghao asks, his long legs swinging back and forth casually. He's not the first person to ask, but Minghao always has a particular air of utter sincerity around him. It makes it harder to feed him an easy line. He makes it feel more like lying, which Seungcheol hates doing.

“Mostly, yeah.” He smiles when he says it, though his eyes drift over his shoulder to where Soonyoung and Mingyu appear to be bickering.

With a sigh, he starts to stand, only to be surprised when Minghao springs to his feet. “I'll take care of it.”

This time, Seungcheol can't help but laugh to himself as Minghao strides purposefully to the other two. Though he tends to be easy going, Seungcheol knows all too well what the results of crossing Minghao are. Both Soonyoung and Mingyu are quick to drop their argument before his temper even has a chance to truly flare up.

By the time the three of them make it back to him, Seungcheol is still trying not to laugh, and glad he's not the focus anymore. Mingyu still looks slightly sour, like he was on the losing end of whatever he and Soonyoung were arguing about. He takes his seat once more, and Soonyoung finally makes way to the bar.

He doesn't ask what the rest of them want, though Seungcheol doesn't mind. Soonyoung has good taste in general, good enough to warrant a little trust at least. He returns a moment later with drinks.

Soonyoung’s drink appears to have glitter in it, though the rest of them are treated to something far more normal, and before taking a long drink of it, he looks down at his phone and smiles.

Minghao catches him as well because he leans over to read the message, nodding his head. When Seungcheol leans slightly forward however, Soonyoung immediately locks the screen.

“I asked a friend of mine if they wanted to meet you,” he says as if that explains the hiding. “They'll be here soon.”

Finishing his drink in two quick goes, Minghao reaches and tangles his fingers with Mingyu’s, a pout on his face. “I wanna dance.”

“You should dance with Soonyoung. He's better than I am,” Mingyu says, though he's already holding Minghao’s hand in return. His argument seems flat from the start, but he still shouts and stumbles when Minghao pulls him from his seat. “Wait!”

The music swallows most of his voice, and his begging falls on deaf ears. Reluctant, Seungcheol turns back to Soonyoung. “Who’s your friend?”

“He's a soccer player,” Soonyoung says, waving his hand. He seems distracted though, scanning his eyes over the crowd. “You'll like him.”

“Does he have a name?” Seungcheol waves a hand in front of Soonyoung’s face, only to have it smacked back to the table.

“Kihyun,” Soonyoung says, finally turning back to face Seungcheol. “Just trust me! You'll like him.”

*** * ***

Jeonghan probably should have learned his lesson already from the last time Junhui asked him to go out. He hardly dared to even tell Joshua where he was going, knowing too well he'd get the disapproving look that makes him truly feel like he's about to do something stupid.

This time, however, he got Junhui to take him off campus with the promise of buying him a drink in return. The club they pick is big and popular, meaning Jeonghan will actually have the chance to let loose a little, rather than worrying about all the people around him.

As an additional safety measure, they brought Seokmin along. He's a good piece of insurance to have since unlike Junhui he's not likely to stray and forget about Jeonghan entirely.

Jeonghan has already made good on his promise to buy them a round, and he's on his own third drink past that, stationed comfortably on one of the plush stools at the bar. The bartender must think he's nice to look at since all of Jeonghan's drinks have been twice as strong as usual.

It's going to be a good night this time. He's promising himself that much. Seokmin leans his heavy head on Jeonghan’s shoulder, pointing at the illuminated screen of his phone. “Who snapped you?”

Curious, Jeonghan lifts his phone, blinking at the notification that it's from Seungcheol of all people. He opens it, not sure why he feels so wary.

Even with his sound turned low, he can hear the static crackle of loud music from the video, and he has to bite down on his smile at the video of a grinning Minghao with his hands on Mingyu's hips, forcing them to sway in time with the music and with Minghao’s own far more fluid motions.

“C'mon Mingyu,” he mumbles to himself, shaking his head. Seokmin laughs next to him.

It makes him pause, however. He half expected Seungcheol to have forgotten about their bet, or at least that it wouldn't be something he would bring up again.

“Why didn't you bet on Minghao?” Seokmin asks grin lighting up his face. Jeonghan shrugs with a soft bark of laughter.

“I can't believe in Mingyu once in awhile?” Jeonghan asks though he finds himself grinning still. Seokmin’s arm winds around his shoulder, his weight warm and comforting against Jeonghan's side.

"It's almost like you wanted to lose," he says, a lament in his voice. Jeonghan shakes his head, rolling his eyes just a little. Seokmin is the same age, and close to the both of him, but Jeonghan isn't ready to give up being sure he bet on the right horse. Seokmin's head rests heavy on his shoulder, fingers fiddling with the dark ends of Jeonghan's hair.

"Are you gonna dye it again?" He asks, letting the smooth lock slide between his fingers. Jeonghan shrugs, careful not to jostle Seokmin too terribly.

"I dunno, it's such a pain," he says, plucking at the ends as well. It's brown, edging on red, a change from the platinum blond he started the year with. Seokmin hums in the back of his throat, continuing to play with Jeonghan's hair without an apparent goal in mind.

Jeonghan lets him, leaning his head slightly into Seokmin's hand when his blunt nails scratch soothingly against his scalp. It's a nice, familiar feeling and Jeonghan smiles, taking another slow sip of his drink.

Junhui reappears, though Jeonghan isn't sure where he wandered off to anyway. He has an easy smile on his face, worming his thin body between Jeonghan and the next patron at the bar. “We should dance.”

Jeonghan sighs, looking up at Junhui with a deep frown. “I haven't forgiven you yet.”

“That's no reason not to dance with me,” Junhui’s smirk makes his eyes crinkle at the corners. It's very cute, and Jeonghan takes a moment to weigh it against his natural urge to hold grudges.

“Fine,” he says, once he's finished deliberating. “But keep your hands to yourself.”

Junhui nods his head, laughing. Seokmin leans forward, pressing a sloppy kiss to Jeonghan's cheek that has nothing to do the amount of alcohol he's had. The two of them are good people to have around. They keep Jeonghan from lingering in his own head too much.

He leaves the safety of his spot at the bar, tangling his fingers up with Junhui’s to avoid losing him in the press of the crowd. Usually, Jeonghan isn't a fan of crowded spaces, but right now they offer a good chance to turn his brain off, something he's badly in need of.

And Junhui is a good dancer; bordering on too good. He makes Jeonghan look clunky and uncoordinated with the smooth, effortless swaying of his hips. But it's still fun, with one of Junhui's hands on his hips to try and guide him and the other holding gently around his wrist.

So it's unfortunate that he looks over Junhui’s shoulder before he's really been pulled into the rhythm of the song playing and sees a table tucked into the romantic darkness of one of the corners. There's a boy he doesn't recognize there, with dark hair and a shining smile, leaning across the table so his face is close to Seungcheol’s.

It takes a long, long moment for the visual to sink in. Seungcheol is smiling at whatever the stranger is saying, his fingers wrapped around the dark glass bottle of beer in front of him. Jeonghan realizes he's standing utterly still in the middle of the dance floor, with Junhui’s fingers on his wrist.

He turns, craning his neck to follow Jeonghan's gaze. The sight seems to absorb for him much more quickly, but he's not fast enough to stop Jeonghan from pulling his arm free.

Jeonghan only realizes he's walking over to them once he's halfway there. There's a terrible racket in his head that's not from the music, and he doesn't bother to check if Junhui is coming after him. He pushes his hair sharply back from his face and smiles when Seungcheol looks up and sees him.

“Cheollie,” he says, slurring the syllables together as if he's had far more to drink than he has. He wishes he were drunk for this.

A helpful voice in the back of his mind reminds him that this is what happens when two people break up. This is what he asked for, what he deserves. Jeonghan hates that voice as much as everything else, at the moment.

“You should dance with me,” he says, acting as if he hasn't seen the other boy there at all.

Despite the effort to keep his voice playful, Jeonghan can see that Seungcheol doesn't buy it. His eyes flit over to his companion nervously, and Jeonghan wants to scream.

He doesn't. Instead, he leans in close, far closer than he has any right to be, mumbling in Seungcheol's ear loud enough to make his voice heard. “Maybe you can take me home tonight too.”

For a moment, Seungcheol doesn't do anything in response. He seems to unfreeze though, and he grabs hold of Jeonghan's wrist, a heavy frown on his face. He looks at his friend and bows his head quickly. “Sorry.”

He presses Jeonghan back far enough that he can stand himself, and he looks no happier. He doesn't let Jeonghan go either. “We need to talk.”

Because he's anything but a good person, Jeonghan allows him to be dragged along, tossing a flirty wave and a wink over his shoulder to Seungcheol's friend.

Seungcheol drags him outside, despite the light drizzle that's started to fall. The alley behind the club is dark and quiet. There are a few people smoking a dozen feet away, but it's too early in the evening for any brave couples to be sucking face outside.

Releasing Jeonghan's arm, Seungcheol turns around to face him, shaking his head. “What's your problem.”

“It was just a joke,” Jeonghan says, bristling. “You must have really liked him to be so mad about it.”

“He's a friend of Soonyoung’s,” Seungcheol says, though he has one hand covering his face like he can't even stand to look at Jeonghan. “He just introduced us. But that's not the point.”

“What is then?” He asks, making his voice louder to cover how he suddenly feels very small. This isn't the first time he's made this kind of mistake with Seungcheol. He's petty, he holds grudges and gets jealous too easily. But Seungcheol didn't get so angry about it before. When they were still together, he was always trying to talk things out, to understand Jeonghan's feelings.

“You weren't making a joke,” Seungcheol says, dropping his hand and glaring at Jeonghan now. “You were showing off. I know you.”

“You think too highly of yourself,” Jeonghan says, even though Seungcheol is right on every count. “I don't care who you go on dates with.”

Seungcheol sighs out hard through his nose. He hates fighting, Jeonghan knows it. He pushes anyway, because Seungcheol is right about him, and because if he doesn't break something here he's not sure what might happen.

“He was cute. Should I go put a good word in for you?” He has his head tilted back when he speaks like he might laugh. “Or maybe I can set you up with one of my friends! If you're having so much trouble with being single that you had to ask Soonyoung.”

It's not fair of him to be angry and Seungcheol. He is anyway. “You're good looking enough, I bet I could start a waiting list.”

Seungcheol looks at him for a long moment, his anger giving way to exhaustion. “I don't think you and I can keep being friends.”

After everything, it hits Jeonghan like a blow to the stomach. The air leaves him all at once, and for a moment he stares at Seungcheol with his mouth hanging open.

“I don't want that.”

“I know,” Seungcheol says, pinching the bridge of his nose. “But it's not good for either of us.”

Jeonghan wants to ask what about being his friend is so hard, but he has the sinking feeling that he knows already. 

It was always bound to happen, he tells himself. He was always destined to push something too hard, something between him and Seungcheol had to give eventually.

He doesn't say that he's sorry, even though he is. Seungcheol waits for a moment like he's expecting an answer.

For Jeonghan, it's the strangest sense of deja vu. He remembers giving Seungcheol the same look after telling him they should break up. At the time, he wanted Seungcheol to make him stay.

Time seems to hover between that moment and this one, offering Jeonghan the chance to choose differently this time.

Seungcheol sighs once more, patting Jeonghan on the shoulder as he passes and walks back into the club. Jeonghan waits until the steel door swings shut to sink, his back leaning against the brick wall, his head leaning on his knees.

He's an idiot of the highest order, and really he'd like to do nothing more than sit out in the rain and cry about it by himself, though he isn't given much of a chance.

A moment or two after Seungcheol leaves, the door swings open again. Jeonghan lifts his head quickly, scrubbing his sleeve against his face to try and erase whatever emotions are there. He has to tilt his head back further than he expects to find Mingyu’s face, signing as he looks away again. 

“Would you like to yell at me too?”

It's not Jeonghan’s night, it seems. But, Mingyu squats down quietly next to him, a comfortable distance separating them. He doesn't ask what happened, and perhaps that's what tempts Jeonghan into speaking.

“Cheollie doesn't want to see me anymore,” he says, laughing at the end of it. Loud and bitter, the sound echoes off the damp bricks of other buildings. 

“I’m an idiot.” Jeonghan shakes his head at himself.

Mingyu nods in agreement, and Jeonghan huffs, reaching over to shove at him. “You're supposed to disagree with me.”

It's half a tease and half a dare, though Jeonghan doesn't expect any favors from Mingyu.

“I don't think he knows what happened,” Mingyu says, after what seems like a long time. “He keeps saying there's nothing to talk about, but it's bothering him.”

“Are you asking?” Jeonghan says, looking over with both his eyebrows raised. He doesn't know what he would say, how he would even begin to explain.

“Maybe,” Mingyu says, though he shrugs. “But I'm not the one who needs to know.”

“It wasn't…” Jeonghan says, then trails off with a scowl. “He didn't do anything wrong.”

“Did you?” Mingyu asks, his brow furrowed in confusion, and Jeonghan finds himself casting about for the right words to say.

“I didn't cheat on him if that's what you're asking,” he starts, looking over at Mingyu with a glare. He's not sure if that's been part of the speculation, but it's a rumor he would rather not lend any support to. Mingyu nods his head slightly for Jeonghan to continue. “It's not complicated. I'm just not the right person for him.”

Mingyu purses his lips at that, and Jeonghan shrugs in return. He's not asking for anyone else to agree with him. “Cheollie is a good person. He deserves to get that back.”

“Isn't that stupid to decide for yourself?” Mingyu asks, leaning his back on the wall as well. It makes Jeonghan laugh, though he hasn't lost the mocking edge to it.

“Would you like to decide for me instead?” Jeonghan shoots back, rolling his eyes. “I'm sure you'll do a great job.”

Mingyu doesn't even respond to the jab, making it far less fun for Jeonghan. 

“No, but I think you should have included Seungcheol-hyung,” he says, pushing himself to his feet now. He holds a hand out to help Jeonghan do the same, shaking his head. “Now I'm going to have to tell Soonyoung-hyung his plan backfired.”

“Plan?” Jeonghan asks, grabbing Mingyu’s hand and pulling himself up to his feet. For a moment, Mingyu goes still before shaking his head.

“Finding him a hook-up. He and Minghao left already,” Mingyu says, turning back to the door. Jeonghan, for a moment, feels bad for ruining Mingyu’s almost chance. He wants to pat him on the shoulder and tell him that he should just make a move, but Jeonghan and Seungcheol made meddling strictly off limits in the terms of their bet. 

Sometimes, Jeonghan has a hard time letting go of things. He walks back inside, mumbling a small thank you as he goes.

Mingyu will figure it out eventually. He hopes. Jeonghan is hardly the best person to be giving him advice, after all.

*** * ***

It’s uncommon for Jeonghan to spend so much time dwelling on his problems.

Or, at least, it’s uncommon for him to do it so obviously. This is the third night in a row he’s spent on the overstuffed couch in Joshua’s lounge, glaring at the screen of his laptop and the paper he’s supposed to be writing, in the same sweatshirt that might or might not have belonged to Seungcheol originally, with his hair pulled back into an increasingly limp and sad ponytail. All in all, he’s barely left that spot for class or food. He even canceled his usual tutoring session with Chan, promising to make it up to him next week.

Three days is all it takes for Joshua to have had enough of Jeonghan’s sulking. He must have put the story together from separate accounts delivered by Junhui and Mingyu because when he drops to sit on the sofa next to Jeonghan, still smelling like bitter coffee grounds and chocolate, he doesn’t start out by asking a question.

“You should probably just call him,” he says, leaning one arm over the back of the couch. Jeonghan looks up from the third paragraph of his paper with a frown. Joshua raises an eyebrow in return, reaching out and gently prying the laptop from Jeonghan’s lap, shutting the lid and setting it to the side. “C’mon. You know he doesn’t stay mad.”

“Maybe I’m mad,” Jeonghan shoots back, drawing his knees up to his chest. It’s not true, though he is the one known for holding grudges. He’s still upset, still hurt, but he’s long lost the right to be mad at Seungcheol for not wanting anything to do with him. The most he can do from this point is put up with the consequences of his actions.

“You’re not,” Joshua says, rolling his eyes. “I know you better than that.”

“He doesn’t wanna hear from me.” This time Jeonghan looks away, laying his cheek against the top of his knees. “I don’t have anything to say, anyway.”

“You could start with ‘sorry’,” Joshua says, though it’s less biting this time at least. Jeonghan gives him a look like he’s just been asked to eat a lemon. Usually, he appreciates that Joshua doesn’t dance around trying to spare his feelings when he’s done something wrong, but at the moment he’s not fond of hearing it. “Even if it doesn’t fix things, you two need to talk.”

Jeonghan tightens his arms around his knees, rocking forward slightly. Leave it to Joshua to suggest he do the adult thing.

If Jeonghan has made anything clear in the last month, it’s that he’s not any good at being mature about any situation. 

“Do you think I did the wrong thing? Breaking up with him?”

Joshua seems slightly taken aback by the question, and he leans away slightly like he’s trying to get a better view of Jeonghan sitting next to him. Best friend or not, the question makes Jeonghan wish he could crawl into a hole and hide.

“I don’t know,” Joshua says after a moment. “I don’t really know why you did it, so I can’t say if it was wrong.”

The question is obvious, even if he doesn’t ask. Jeonghan sighs, pressing his forehead to his knees to hide his face. It isn’t that he’s trying to keep his reasons a secret from Joshua, but every time Jeonghan tries to find the words to explain it feels like his throat is about to close up.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Joshua says like he has each time he’s asked. “But you should talk to someone.”

“I thought it was the better thing to do,” Jeonghan says, his voice a mumble, lifting his head once he realizes his knees are muffling his words further. Joshua’s forehead wrinkles in question, and Jeonghan finally releases his legs, letting his bare feet drop to the floor. “It’s not like we could just keep things going forever.”

Joshua blinks twice at him like he was expecting something more dramatic. “Why not?”

“You’re kidding, right?” Jeonghan sits up, tucking his legs underneath him like he needs the stability to speak. “It’s not realistic, y’know? It’s not like we were gonna move in together and get married or something. It was better to get over it now.”

“I don’t get it,” Joshua says, scowling. “Were you two talking about getting married?”

“No,” Jeonghan says, waving his hands in front of his face. He keeps moving them as he speaks like he could pluck the words he needs to explain himself out of thin air. “But I mean, it’d come up sometime, right? And I didn’t want to get that far and then have him be disappointed…”

“Because you don’t wanna marry him?”

“I don’t know,” Jeonghan says, pausing. “I never thought about if I would or wouldn’t want to.”

“Then what’s there for him to be disappointed by?” Joshua asks, then throws his head back with a groan. “You’re worried he’d be disappointed in you?”

Jeonghan opens his mouth to argue, only to find he’s not sure what to say. He’d been so sure that he was sparing Seungcheol from something, that in some way breaking up with him was an act of mercy.

Because Seungcheol is too much of a good thing, and because in some way or another, Jeonghan was always going to fuck things up.

“No,” he says, even though he’s not really sure that it’s true. “But better now than in a year when he realizes it on his own.”

“Realizes what?” Joshua asks, sounding confused again. Jeonghan doesn't look over to see the expression, staring instead at the table like it's suddenly become very interesting to him.

“That I’m not,” Jeonghan starts, then hesitates, his gaze cutting sideways for a moment. “Good enough, I guess. He deserves somebody great.”

There’s a long moment of silence, leaving Jeonghan’s words fading awkwardly in the space between him and Joshua. 

“You know that’s stupid, right?” Joshua asks, pushing himself up off the couch and tossing an extra glare at Jeonghan just to make his point. Jeonghan wrinkles his nose in response.

“That’s what Mingyu said.”

“Maybe you should listen to Mingyu more,” Joshua says, shrugging his shoulders and managing to keep his face admirably straight. The small joke is appreciated, though Jeonghan isn’t quite ready to let go of his own sulking just yet.

“It doesn’t matter now,” he says, stretching his legs over the now empty space on the couch. Joshua rolls his eyes, watching Jeonghan pull his laptop back into his lap, intending to return to glaring at his paper. 

“Call him,” Joshua says, walking out to the small kitchen rather than continuing to watch Jeonghan sulk over the suggestion.

*** * ***

“Hey,” Soonyoung says, flopping on the gym floor next to Seungcheol, probably trying to take advantage of the cool wood as much as Seungcheol is. His bangs are plastered to his forehead, sweaty from the long game of three-on-three they’ve just finished.

It’s possible that practice has been a little more intensive for the last week, but playing and being competitive is the only thing that’s made Seungcheol feel any better.

He stretches his arms out, slapping his palms against the wood and looking up at the too-bright lights of the ceiling with a frown. “You ready for more?”

Soonyoung punches him in the shoulder, and though it’s a weak hit, Seungcheol grips at his arm, rolling to the side and shouting like he’s in terrible pain. Rather than acting properly concerned, Soonyoung just laughs at him, and Chan and Hansol stop whatever they were talking about to stare.

“Soonyoung attacked me,” he says, sitting up and pointing at the unmarked spot on his shoulder. Hansol cracks a grin, but Chan merely shakes his head at both of them. So much for getting a laugh out of his juniors.

When Seungcheol looks back, Soonyoung has a strangely serious look on his face, sitting up on his elbows with his legs stretched out in front of him. “I gotta tell you about something.”

“What happened?” Seungcheol asks, finding himself sliding into his Captain Voice without really meaning to. But, the way Soonyoung glances away, his eyes catching a quickly fleeing Hansol, does not make Seungcheol feel like it’s unwarranted. Chan lags behind Hansol, lips moving quickly like he’s not sure what’s going on.

And then it’s just the two of them in the gym, the rest of the team already off to hit the showers. 

“What’s going on?” Seungcheol turns to face Soonyoung, who drops to laying on his back with a groan.

“I fucked up,” he says, his voice lamenting. “And I owe you an apology.”

“Soonyoung,” Seungcheol says, warning now. Soonyoung sighs and sits up properly.

“Okay, so I kinda owe you and Jeonghan an apology, though it was as much Seokmin’s idea as it was mine.”

“What was Seokmin’s idea?” Seungcheol asks, feeling now like he might know what’s going on.

“We were trying to get you two to kiss and make up,” Soonyoung says, his fingers tapping nervously on the laminated wood floor. “And we kinda… got some other people to help us.”

“I thought I told you to leave my love life alone,” Seungcheol groans, pressing the palms of both his hands to his forehead. “Who else?”

“Don’t worry about it. It was all my idea and it backfired and I’m sorry,” Soonyoung says, holding his hands up like Seungcheol has a gun trained on him.

“Who was helping you?” Seungcheol repeats, dropping his hands.

“Ah, Minghao. And Hansol,” Soonyoung says, offering a weak smile as he confesses. “And Mingyu, though he was only half on board with the idea.”

“And that’s it?”

“Except for Junhui and Wonwoo,” Soonyoung says, his smile growing slightly. “But they were on the other team.”

“You had teams,” Seungcheol says it with a sigh, hanging his head. He shouldn’t be surprised to hear that, of course, though it makes it no less frustrating. “You didn’t have Jihoon plotting against me too?”

“Nah. We didn’t tell him. And Chan said he didn’t wanna get involved.” Soonyoung shrugs his shoulders. “I didn’t wanna get yelled at about how I shouldn’t have bothered.”

“You _shouldn’t_ have,” Seungcheol grumbles, pushing himself up to his feet. He starts walking toward the exit then pauses, turning to look back at Soonyoung, also standing now. “Was that why you wanted me to meet your friend?”

“Yeah,” Soonyoung says, rubbing the back of his neck. “He agreed on the condition that I help him move.”

“Have you told Jeonghan about this plan of yours?” Seungcheol asks, walking once again.

“I was gonna have Seokmin help me with it later. He’s scary when he gets mad,” Soonyoung sighs as if this whole situation has put him out in some terrible way. “I’m glad you’re not mad, though!”

“Who said I wasn’t mad?” Seungcheol asks, raising both his eyebrows. He watches Soonyoung’s cheery expression fade fast, smiling in response. “All of you are gonna run drills until you can’t move for the rest of the week. Starting tomorrow.”

*** * ***

When Seungcheol runs into Jeonghan next, he nearly wants to turn the other way and avoid him entirely. It’s a silly, childish impulse that he tries to shove back down as soon as it occurs to him.

It’s been a week since their argument outside the club, and true to what Seungcheol himself asked for, he hasn’t seen anything of Jeonghan. And, after Soonyoung and Seokmin admitted to trying to get them to patch things up, Seungcheol thought he’d be happier with the distance, or at least that it would be easier to start getting over things.

But, when he sees Jeonghan making his way between buildings, probably going to class or to meet Joshua at the cafe, something twists hard in the center of his chest. For a moment, he stops entirely on the sidewalk, wondering why it’s suddenly so hard to think of what he should be doing.

He could walk away, and keep moping on his own. It’s the normal thing to do after being broken up with, but Seungcheol is tired of being sad, and tired of feeling alone.

It isn’t clear at what point he made up his mind, but he finds himself chasing after Jeonghan, far more enthusiastically than he probably should be. The sound of his sneakers smacking against the pavement makes Jeonghan turn, a surprised look quickly crossing his face.

After a moment, he covers it up with a quick smile, his lips parting like he’s about to speak before he closes them more tightly.

“Hey.” Seungcheol stops his probably foolish running. He smiles back, though he’s surprised how easy the expression feels on his face. He’s stupid for being this happy to see Jeonghan again, but at least he knows it.

“Hi,” Jeonghan responds, his voice low and uncertain. “Are you still pissed at me?”

Seungcheol almost laughs, but instead, he shakes his head, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Did Seokmin talk to you?”

“Ah, about the master plan?” Jeonghan says it with a smile and a wave of his fingers before nodding his head. “He did. He’s still waiting for me to get him back for it.”

“Right,” Seungcheol says, finding the word trails awkwardly out of his mouth. This is probably the quickest he’s ever run out of things to say to someone.

“I’m sorry,” Jeonghan says before Seungcheol can figure out another way to keep the conversation going. “About… getting weird the other night. You were right, and I wasn’t being fair.”

He looks away as he finishes, his eyes avoiding Seungcheol as much as he can. He’s about to accept the apology and leave, to accept that Jeonghan clearly doesn’t miss him in the same way, but Jeonghan beats him to the punch once again.

“And,” he starts, looking back at Seungcheol with the ends of his hair wrapped nervously around his fingers. “I owe you another apology, really. For all of this.”

“Oh,” Seungcheol says, surprised. “I mean, you don’t have to be sorry, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I mean, not about Seokmin and Soonyoung,” Jeonghan says, shuffling his feet nervously, his shoes scraping against the ground. “Can we go somewhere and talk?”

“Sure,” Seungcheol agrees easily, giving Jeonghan another small smile, doing his best to seem reassuring. Truth be told, he’s more nervous than he expected. The last few talks he’s had with Jeonghan haven’t ended terribly well, and he’d like to patch their friendship up rather than get into another fight.

Rather than going to the coffee shop that Joshua works at, the two of them wind up in an empty practice room, with a large window that faces out onto the quad and a baby grand piano. Jeonghan sits on the bench of the piano, his fingers plucking at the loose threads of the upholstery. There are metal chairs in the corner, but Seungcheol leans his shoulder against the wall instead.

It seems like a very long time before Jeonghan says anything at all.

“I broke up with you,” he says, and even with the time passed since the simple statement still makes Seungcheol’s chest feel a little tight. He tries to ignore it, nodding his head slightly though the fact hardly needs his confirmation. “But I never really explained anything to you.”

“You don’t have to,” Seungcheol says, too quick, almost tripping himself over the end of Jeonghan’s sentence. It would be a lie to say he wasn’t dying to know, and the look Jeonghan gives him makes it clear that much is obvious.

“I should have,” he continues, though he seems to only grow more nervous. There’s another long pause, in which Jeonghan turns to look at the neat ivory keys of the piano as if that makes things easier. Maybe it does for him, though Seungcheol can’t stop himself from twitching. “I just… I don’t know. I don’t think I really understood it myself.”

He rests his fingers on the keys lightly, not yet pressing down to make a sound. “I got scared that I was going to mess things up, I guess. And it seemed like if I just broke things off I’d be saving you getting hurt later.”

Jeonghan glances up, a weak smile on his face as he looks at Seungcheol, lifting his fingers off the keys again. “But I really just proved myself right, so I’m sorry.”

Seungcheol shakes his head with a long sigh. “And you didn’t think to just talk to me?”

“I already had Mingyu call me stupid,” Jeonghan says, folding his hands in his lap. His posture is uncomfortably straight like he’s thinking of bolting at any moment. It’s at odds with the playful pout on his face, but one thing Seungcheol has learned is how to read between the lines when it comes to Jeonghan.

“And that’s it?” Seungcheol asks, his arms crossing over his chest. For a moment, the expression on Jeonghan’s face falters, like he’s not sure how to answer. “That’s the whole deal?”

It’s hard not to be frustrated, and harder not to use this moment to take it out on Jeonghan like he wants to. At the core of it, he understands at least a little. Jeonghan has never been secure in things, for as much as he teases Mingyu about his own hang ups. But Seungcheol was hoping that after all their time together, Jeonghan would at least feel like he wouldn’t have to hide anymore.

“What’d you think, that if we broke up I just wouldn’t care? Is that why it was easy?”

“I didn’t say it was easy,” Jeonghan says, looking away again. The way his expression falters almost makes Seungcheol feel guilty for the barbed comment. It’s harder now than it was before to ignore the hurt and the confusion that’s been plaguing him for weeks, the sense that maybe he could have changed things if he’d only tried a little harder, made fewer mistakes.

The truth is, Seungcheol still wants a chance to change the outcome.

“I didn’t think you wouldn’t care,” Jeonghan says with a sigh, scowling down at the piano. “I just thought it was the better thing to do.”

“Better than what?” Seungcheol asks, his voice louder than intended. It rings against the walls like a discordant note, and Jeonghan’s shoulders slump, his fingers pressing down on the keys of the piano. They form a broken sounding chord, a sound that fades out of the small room too slowly.

“Better than you figuring out on your own that I’d mess things up, or better than waiting around for it to happen later.” After the boom of Seungcheol’s voice, Jeonghan’s words seem almost too soft. He shakes his head, seemingly to himself, pushing the bench back and standing up. “Sorry. This was stupid, I should just go.”

“Don’t run away again,” Seungcheol says, reaching out and grasping Jeonghan’s shoulders gently. “I wanna make sense of this, just talk to me.”

The way Jeonghan’s eyes meet his is hesitant, but Seungcheol is determined not to let him leave so easily again. Jeonghan seems to realize it as well, because while he reaches up to take Seungcheol’s hands off his shoulders, he does it gently and stays in the same place, his fingers loose around Seungcheol’s wrists, though his gaze drops to the ground.

“I didn’t want you to figure out that I wasn’t as good as you deserve,” he says, daring a glance up. Seungcheol groans, pitching forward so his head rests heavy on Jeonghan’s shoulder, shaking it slightly.

“I’m supposed to decide that, not you,” he gripes, though it’s hard to put his heart into it all the way. This isn’t the first time Jeonghan has said something like that about himself, and strictly speaking, it’s not a surprise to Seungcheol to hear. It stings no less.

Jeonghan’s fingers around his wrists tighten slightly as he struggles with his balance for a moment, and his breath blows slightly over Seungcheol’s ear as he speaks. “Then I’m sorry for that too.”

“I don’t want you to be,” Seungcheol says, lifting his head slowly. Their faces are closer together than he expects, but rather than flinch back at the surprise he finds it that much harder to move. It seems like a long, long time since he’s been this close to Jeonghan at all. “I just wanna fix things.”

The admission rolls heavy off of his tongue, and Jeonghan blinks his eyes several times like he can’t quite process what he’s being told.

“You do?” He asks, voice soft again. “Really?”

“I wouldn’t have come with you if I didn’t,” Seungcheol says, rolling his eyes just to be cheeky. It works, and Jeonghan smiles at him in return. It’s a delicate, thin kind of smile, but it’s better than him looking lost and sad by a long shot.

Seungcheol is slow when he leans in and Jeonghan doesn’t back away. Instead, he drops his hands to lace his fingers through Seungcheol’s, tilting his head into the light kiss that Seungcheol lays against his lips. Shaking one of his hands free, Seungcheol lifts it up to cup around Jeonghan’s cheek, holding him gently in place. His thumb sweeps a slow line over Jeonghan’s cheekbone, fingers wrapping around to touch the shaved hair on the side of his head.

When the two of them pull back, Seungcheol can’t help the grin that crosses his face, his hand still resting softly on the side of Jeonghan’s face. Jeonghan grins back at him, and something flips giddy and excited in Seungcheol’s stomach.

“You can’t do this again, though,” Seungcheol says, squeezing his fingers tighter with Jeonghan’s. “It’s okay if you’re not always sure of things just… talk to me next time, okay?”

“I promise,” Jeonghan says with a slight chuckle, nodding his head before leaning in and pressing their lips together again. Seungcheol can’t force the smile off his face, even kissing Jeonghan back.

*** * ***

“So wait,” Soonyoung pauses shoveling rice into his face, chopsticks hanging limply from his fingers. “Who won?”

“Won?” Jeonghan asks his brow furrowing slightly. For a moment, he’s tempted to ask if Soonyoung is referring to the bet that he and Seungcheol have on Mingyu and Minghao, but being that both of them are currently seated at the same table, he thinks better of bringing it up.

He might be able to get away with it by putting on an innocent face for Seungcheol, for once he’s more interested in watching how things play out than simply winning. Seungcheol has a similarly confused look on his face, looking up at Soonyoung with his head tilted slightly.

Soonyoung casts a small glance at Seokmin sitting next to him before continuing. “Well, since you two made up and everything. Seokminnie and I have been trying to decide who won.”

Seokmin ducks his head, but Jeonghan knows it's only to try and hide the enormous grin on his face. Seungcheol rolls his eyes, going back to his own food, clearly not intending on answering.

“You both lost,” Jeonghan decides since clearly it’s being left up to him. “Since you were no help to anybody.”

“That’s not true!” Soonyoung bursts out immediately, setting his chopsticks down with a huff. “We helped out plenty.”

“Shua helped more than either of you did,” Jeonghan says, leaning forward. “Maybe we should say he won?”

“Nuh uh! He and Jihoon don’t count,” Soonyoung says, scowling. Jeonghan does his best to swallow down his grin. “It has to be one of us, it was our plan.”

“Why does it matter?” Seungcheol asks, sounding more entertained by the argument than annoyed. “You both got equally in trouble for it.”

“So Soonyoung-hyung will pay for my lunches all month,” Seokmin says, lifting his head for the first time. “My plan was better than his, anyway.”

“Oh really? Which one was your plan?” Jeonghan asks, grinning now. Seungcheol rolls his eyes, nudging their shoulders together.

“Don’t encourage them.”

“I’m curious,” Jeonghan responds with a laugh, dropping his hand from the table to rest on Seungcheol’s knee instead.

“I told Junhui-hyung he had to take you out to the basketball party,” Seokmin says, resting his elbows on the table. “It worked out, too! You two went home together.”

“To sleep,” Seungcheol says, though it’s mostly a grumble.

“Hyung’s plan didn’t work at all,” Seokmin says, patting Soonyoung on the shoulder in a display of great sympathy. Soonyoung huffs, trying to wiggle away and only managing to shove himself against Mingyu’s side.

“It kinda worked! I just didn’t think Seungcheol-hyung would get mad,” he says, glancing at Seungcheol with a smile that’s only half apologetic. “We all know Jeonghan-hyung gets jealous easy.”

“Seokmin definitely won,” Jeonghan says, tapping his chopsticks on the table like a mallet.

“Aw! That’s no fair!” Soonyoung complains, looking up at Mingyu with a pout on his face. “Tell him how good my plan was!”

“I told you it was terrible from the start,” Mingyu says, chuckling as Soonyoung tears at his hair in mock frustration, though the laughter doesn’t stop him from trying to immediately fix it.

Soonyoung gets caught up in trying to debate the finer parts of his plan with Mingyu, but Jeonghan loses focus on what he’s saying. His attention is caught instead by Seungcheol dropping his hand under the table as well, twining their fingers gently together. It’s distracting in the best kind of way, and he can’t help but steal a glance at the curve of a smile on Seungcheol’s face as well.

Failed plans aside, he’ll have to find a way to thank them both.


End file.
